Monday, January 6, 2014

12 Revs of Software

Would you put your gifts under this?A Version from St. Service Bus

’Twas the week O’releasing, and all through the teams,
Not a programmer testing, at least so it seems.
The builds barely holding, the crashes abound,
In hopes that some luck, or a safe place be found...

[Enter the choir. You can sing along. You know you want to…]

The Twelve Revs of Software

BadSoftwareSnakeDMOn the first rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
A piece of software that I can't release.

On the second rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the third rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the fourth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

bug_report-250x250On the fifth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the sixth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Six missing specs,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

angry-bossOn the seventh rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Seven bosses angry,
Six missing specs,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the eighth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Eight devs on sick leave,
Seven bosses angry,
Six specs a-missing,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the ninth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Nine queries locking,
Eight devs on sick leave,
Seven bosses angry,
Six specs a-missing,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

clip-art-waitingOn the tenth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Ten seconds lagging,
Nine queries locking,
Eight devs on sick leave,
Seven bosses angry,
Six specs a-missing,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the eleventh rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Eleven builds a-crashing,
Ten seconds lagging,
Nine queries locking,
Eight devs on sick leave,
Seven bosses angry,
Six specs a-missing,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release.

On the twelfth rev of software, my dev team dropped on me
Twelve months were wasted,
Eleven builds a-crashing,
Ten seconds lagging,
Nine queries locking,
Eight devs on sick leave,
Seven bosses angry,
Six specs a-missing,
Five bugs regressing,
Four tests a-failing,
Three days till deadline,
Two breaking smoke tests,
And a piece of software that I can't release...

Youre-Fired1Final Round...

He sent résumés, to his team gave a whistle,
“This product is dead”, he said this Fo’shizzle.
If you do it at all, then perhaps do it right.
Happy coding to all, and to all a good night!

 

 

 

 

 

A very special thank you to my good friend Maor, who reviewed, QAed and wrote the first verse of the Version of St. Service Bus.

P.S.

This post was supposed to go up on Monday, before Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, I, too, missed my deadline.

Happy New Year.

P.S. 2

My New Year’s Resolution is Retina.

3 comments:

  1. That's mo' better fo'shizzle !!!

    ReplyDelete
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